Skip to main content

Sentence 83

Before
The first challenge companies’ face is deciding which data to use. There are large amounts of data that is generated internally such as customer transaction data, internal performance data, internal supply chain, and others.

After
The first challenge that companies face is deciding which data to use. Large amounts of data are generated internally, such as customer transaction data, internal performance data, internal supply chain and others. 

Notes


In the 'before' version, a possessive is made of companies in the plural. That is incorrect. The word companies itself is in the plural.

Don't start a sentence with 'There are'. It adds to verbiage and sounds schoolgirlish.

Removed comma before and since it is British English used here.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 130

Before Sometimes even one motivated person can bring about a big change. After Sometimes, all it takes is one person to make a difference.  Notes Inserted a comma after 'sometimes'  Changed the sentence to pack in a punch.

Sentence 84

Headline Before - A sneak peak into life in Pyeongchang beyond the #Winter Olympics. After- A sneak peek into life in  Pyeongchang beyond the #Winter Olympics Notes #wordchoice Peak vs. peek

Sentence 66

Before However, I believe there are a few truths that the frenzy over growth hacking often tends to gloss over or miss. After However, in all the frenzy raised by growth hacking, I believe there are a couple of truisms that are often glossed over. Notes: Truth vs. Truism - Word Choice few truths vs. couple of truisms There were only 2 truisms raised in the article from which I took the 'before' version. So I felt it more appropriate to say 'couple of truisms'. Rephrased the 'after' sentence for clarity of thought and expression.