Skip to main content

Sentence 115

Before
Beacons can be easily integrated with identity cards to authenticate access at the entrances of certain sections and offices of a hospital. This means that managers and administrators can grant or restrict access on an individual-basis. 

 After
Beacons can be easily integrated with identity cards to authenticate access at the entrances of certain sections and offices of a hospital. Authenticating access means that managers and administrators can grant or restrict access on an individual basis. 

 Notes.
'This' is an unclear antecedent. We need to clarify what 'This' refers to. Please avoid starting sentences with 'this'. 

 Changed 'individual-basis' to 'individual basis' as the hyphen is not required there.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 130

Before Sometimes even one motivated person can bring about a big change. After Sometimes, all it takes is one person to make a difference.  Notes Inserted a comma after 'sometimes'  Changed the sentence to pack in a punch.
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 8

Before In a changing environment where the new keywords are cloud, automation, data-led analytics, IoT, and mobility, the solutions expected from IT service providers as well as the nature of their delivery are undergoing a change.  After In a business scenario where the buzzwords are cloud, automation, data-led analytics, IoT, and mobility, the solutions expected from IT service providers, as well as the nature of their delivery, are undergoing a change. Notes:  Changed 'changing environment' to 'business scenario' since it gives context. Keywords are for blogs or SEO; buzzwords are " a word or phrase, often an item of jargon, that is fashionable at a particular time or in a particular context. " This was an issue of word choice.  'as well as the nature of their delivery' is a non- restrictive clause. This means that even if you take the clause out of the sentence, it will still make sense. The rule
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 35

Before: Fake news rose to notorious fame during the 2016 U.S. presidential elections. After: Fake news achieved notoriety during the 2016 U.S. presidential elections.  Note: Notorious fame is an oxymoron. So I rephrased it. Here's the definition of 'oxymoron' according to m-w.com .
Post a Comment
Read more