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Sentence 64

Before

The longer I work within the marketing communications industry, I increasingly see an industry asking the wrong questions – in both good and bad ways.

 After


The longer I work in marketing communications, the more I see an industry asking the wrong questions – in both good and bad ways.


Notes:
The 'Before' version is not parallel in construction.  
I've made the sentence parallel.
The longer....the more....

Within vs in - Word choice

Removed 'industry' the first time it occurred since it is repeatedly used.


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