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Sentence 86

Before:

A revelation of this kind surely makes me wonder about how old our history goes and how our stories and culture is embedded in the soil and nature around us.

 After:
A revelation of this kind makes me marvel at history. It's remarkable how the story of our culture is told by the soil and nature around us.

 Notes and comments: 
  • Avoid the word 'surely' in a sentence. It adds little and weakens the sentence.
  • You don't wonder "about" 
  • Replaced "wonder about" with "marvel" #wordchoice
  • 'How old our history goes' - Our history is not going anywhere. 
  • Broke the 'before' version into two sentences.
  • Stories and culture cannot be "embedded" in the soil. Only gems can be embedded. #wordchoice
  • In the before version, it says 'how our stories and culture is'  Stories and culture are 2 different things. A plural has to be used, not "is".


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