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Sentence 127

Before
At Southern India Chamber of Commerce and Industry's session today, we discussed how Indian companies can invest in #Digitaltransformation; move to #cloud; bring #cybersecurity & #automation to manage post-#Brexit disruptions. An insightful discussion with @DHC_Chennai & others.

After

At Southern India Chamber of Commerce and Industry's session today, we discussed with @DHC_Chennai & others how Indian companies can invest in #Digitaltransformation, move to #cloud, ensure #cybersecurity, and drive #automation to manage post-#Brexit disruptions.

Notes
I made the sentence parallel - inserted a verb before the nouns.

Replaced semicolons with commas.


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