Skip to main content

Sentence 20

Before
The three graphs represent three different outputs that will be generated depending on whether we input an individual diagnosis code or a category.

After
The three graphs represent three different types of output based on whether we provide an individual diagnosis code or a category as input. 

 Notes:

  • Don't use the word 'output' in the plural form. Say 'types of output'.
  • Don't use 'input' as a verb.  So I have changed "we input an individual diagnosis code or a category' to " we provide an individual code or a category as input".
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 66

Before However, I believe there are a few truths that the frenzy over growth hacking often tends to gloss over or miss. After However, in all the frenzy raised by growth hacking, I believe there are a couple of truisms that are often glossed over. Notes: Truth vs. Truism - Word Choice few truths vs. couple of truisms There were only 2 truisms raised in the article from which I took the 'before' version. So I felt it more appropriate to say 'couple of truisms'. Rephrased the 'after' sentence for clarity of thought and expression.
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 82

Before The timelier and more enhanced the insights, the greater an organisation’s ability to stay ahead.  After Timely insights enable an organisation to stay ahead.  Notes: 'The timelier and more enhanced the insights' is not parallel. So I have rephrased. Also, timelier? We only say timely. Do not say 'organisation's' , i.e, do not form the possessive of a non-living thing.  Have also cut down the sentence for brevity.
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 73

Before The team manages media for one of our oldest client, X and over the years, they have helped X branch out and break new ground. After The team manages media for one of our oldest clients, X, and over the years, they have helped X branch out and break new ground.  Notes: 1. Rookie mistake! -  The team manages media for one of our oldest client s.... One of my friends not one of my friend. Similarly, one of our oldest clients, not one of our oldest client. (One of many)
Post a Comment
Read more