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Showing posts from September, 2017

Sentence 20

Before The three graphs represent three different outputs that will be generated depending on whether we input an individual diagnosis code or a category. After The three graphs represent three different types of output based on whether we provide an individual diagnosis code or a category as input.  Notes: Don't use the word 'output' in the plural form. Say 'types of output'. Don't use 'input' as a verb.  So I have changed "we input an individual diagnosis code or a category' to " we provide an individual code or a category as input".

Sentence 19

Before Typically, in large medical claim datasets, unique diagnoses account for a considerable number. After Unique diagnoses form a large part of medical claim datasets.  Notes: Avoid the words "typically", "basically", etc. Shortened the sentence to make it crisp. Revised the construction.

Sentence 18

Before Instead, a surgeon can wear AR-enabled smart glasses through the surgery that brings up the most important information, thereby reducing the multitasking required and also significantly curbing errors. After Instead, they can wear AR-enabled smart glasses during the surgery that captures essential information, thereby reducing the multitasking required and also curbing errors.  Notes In the document, the word 'surgeon' was used in the previous sentence. So, I've changed "a surgeon" in this sentence to "they" Changed 'through' to 'during' since it conveys the meaning more accurately. Changed "brings up" to "captures" since it is a better choice of word. Changed "the most important" to "essential" since it is a better synonym. Removed the adjective significantly, since it does not convey anything of value and is superfluous.