Skip to main content

Sentence 57

Before
There are buses, metros, rickshaws, and taxis, to name a few and these can be either used by themselves or in combination for one to reach their destination. 
After
There are buses, metrorail, rickshaws, and taxis, which can be used singly or in combination to reach your destination. 

 Notes:

 Metros vs. Metrorail - The former refers to cities, the latter to a mode of transport. #word choice

 'to name a few' is unnecessary and does not read well.

 Rephrased 'and these can be either used by themselves or in combination' for clarity. It now reads 'which can be used singly or in combination'. Shorter, clearer.

 Rephrased 'for one to reach their destination.' as ' to reach your destination.' - made it more direct.

 Try to avoid writing 'if one were to do this' etc. Write 'your' - directly to the reader. 

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 130

Before Sometimes even one motivated person can bring about a big change. After Sometimes, all it takes is one person to make a difference.  Notes Inserted a comma after 'sometimes'  Changed the sentence to pack in a punch.
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 84

Headline Before - A sneak peak into life in Pyeongchang beyond the #Winter Olympics. After- A sneak peek into life in  Pyeongchang beyond the #Winter Olympics Notes #wordchoice Peak vs. peek
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 1

Before: Our children are our future, is an often quoted statement, which ideally refers to the fact that it is our children who have the power to initiate growth, progress and change in the times to come. After: Our children are our future. This is an oft-quoted statement, which re-iterates that it is our children who have the power to initiate growth, progress and change in times to come.  Notes a. Never place a comma before a verb. ‘Is’ - is a verb.  b. 'often quoted’ is usually written as 'oft-quoted’ c. Don’t use ‘ideally’ unnecessarily. d. 'the times to come.’  to be changed to ‘times to come’. ‘The’ is a definite article. Please read up on the use of definite articles here:  https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/540/01/ e. Avoid constructions with ‘the fact that’ as much as possible.
Post a Comment
Read more