Skip to main content

Sentence 68

Before
While I see large enterprises continuing to invest big budgets and infrastructure in big data capabilities, in-house, small to medium companies will ensure they keep up to the trend by investing in ‘software-as-a-service’ platforms. 

After

While I see large enterprises continuing to invest big budgets and infrastructure for in-house big data capabilities,  small and medium companies will invest in ‘software-as-a-service’ platforms. 

Notes:

Changed 'big data capabilities, in-house' to 'in-house big data capabilities' for better readability and comprehension.

Removed 'will ensure they keep up to the trend' as it does not contribute to the sentence and only makes it unwieldy.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 66

Before However, I believe there are a few truths that the frenzy over growth hacking often tends to gloss over or miss. After However, in all the frenzy raised by growth hacking, I believe there are a couple of truisms that are often glossed over. Notes: Truth vs. Truism - Word Choice few truths vs. couple of truisms There were only 2 truisms raised in the article from which I took the 'before' version. So I felt it more appropriate to say 'couple of truisms'. Rephrased the 'after' sentence for clarity of thought and expression.

Sentence 82

Before The timelier and more enhanced the insights, the greater an organisation’s ability to stay ahead.  After Timely insights enable an organisation to stay ahead.  Notes: 'The timelier and more enhanced the insights' is not parallel. So I have rephrased. Also, timelier? We only say timely. Do not say 'organisation's' , i.e, do not form the possessive of a non-living thing.  Have also cut down the sentence for brevity.

Sentence 73

Before The team manages media for one of our oldest client, X and over the years, they have helped X branch out and break new ground. After The team manages media for one of our oldest clients, X, and over the years, they have helped X branch out and break new ground.  Notes: 1. Rookie mistake! -  The team manages media for one of our oldest client s.... One of my friends not one of my friend. Similarly, one of our oldest clients, not one of our oldest client. (One of many)