Skip to main content

Sentence 97

Before
Medical conditions could include Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), sexually transmitted infections (STIs), endometrial tuberculosis in women, and in men could be due to hormonal imbalances, varicocele, undescended testicles, or even certain previous surgeries. 


 After
In women, medical conditions could include Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and endometrial tuberculosis. In men, infertility could be due to hormonal imbalances, varicocele, undescended testicles, or even certain previous surgeries.

 Comments
Split it into two shorter sentences for brevity and clarity
Started with 'In women' to make it parallel to the second sentence that starts with 'In men'.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 82

Before The timelier and more enhanced the insights, the greater an organisation’s ability to stay ahead.  After Timely insights enable an organisation to stay ahead.  Notes: 'The timelier and more enhanced the insights' is not parallel. So I have rephrased. Also, timelier? We only say timely. Do not say 'organisation's' , i.e, do not form the possessive of a non-living thing.  Have also cut down the sentence for brevity.
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 73

Before The team manages media for one of our oldest client, X and over the years, they have helped X branch out and break new ground. After The team manages media for one of our oldest clients, X, and over the years, they have helped X branch out and break new ground.  Notes: 1. Rookie mistake! -  The team manages media for one of our oldest client s.... One of my friends not one of my friend. Similarly, one of our oldest clients, not one of our oldest client. (One of many)
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 130

Before Sometimes even one motivated person can bring about a big change. After Sometimes, all it takes is one person to make a difference.  Notes Inserted a comma after 'sometimes'  Changed the sentence to pack in a punch.
Post a Comment
Read more