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Sentence 13

Before:

Although keeping up with a plethora of operating systems, device configurations and technology improvements will prove to be a challenge, companies will find that having a robust enterprise mobile strategy aligned with its business outlook will be a foolproof path to future growth.
After:
Although keeping up with numerous operating systems, device configurations, and technology improvements will be challenging, companies with a robust enterprise mobile strategy aligned with their business outlook will be assured of growth.
Notes:
  • The 'Before' sentence is too long and unwieldy. It loses what it is trying to communicate by cramming too much information into too little space.
  • Changed "a plethora of" to "numerous" since plethora is an old-fashioned word, not used in business writing.
  • Changed "and technology improvements will prove to be a challenge, companies will find that having a robust enterprise mobile strategy" to "and technology improvements will be challenging, companies with a robust enterprise mobile strategy" by omitting needless words.
  • "Will be a foolproof path to future growth" is too wordy. Also it is not necessary to say "future growth". It is almost like an oxymoron. Growth will happen over time, in the future only.





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