Skip to main content

Sentence 7

Before: In today’s fast-changing world, advancing technology is in a state of flux, placing businesses in quandary of how to cope and stay ahead of the curve.

After: In today’s fast-changing world, technology is in a state of flux, placing businesses in a quandary. 

Notes: 
  • Removed 'advancing' since it is not required. 
  • Quandary itself means 'a difficult situation; a practical dilemma.'
  • Cut off 'of how to cope and stay ahead of the curve.' since it is cramming too many thoughts into one sentence and the word 'quandary is usually used as 'a quandary'. not 'in quandary of'

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 61

Before: From helping foreign clients tell their stories in India to help Indian businesses take their business to a global scale, the team has a successful record. After: From helping foreign clients tell their stories in India to enabling Indian entrepreneurs to take their business to a global scale, the team has a successful record. Notes: 'Help' was used twice, so replaced with enabling. #word choice.  Also 'enabling' (-ing verb) to keep the parallel construction of 'helping' used earlier intact. businesses vs. entrepreneurs - word choice.

Sentence 99

Before Next time I bite into an #alphonso mango I am going to remind myself the nameless labourers who toil to give us a taste of the sweetest fruits on earth. After Next time I bite into an #alphonso mango, I am going to mentally thank the 'aam aadmi' who ensures these sweet fruits reach me. Comments The article was about security guards who guard mangoes, not labourers who toil in the farm. nameless labourers doesn't make much sense  since factually, labourers do have names.  sweetest fruits is a superlative. not suitable since it is not proven that mango is the sweetest. 'aam aadmi' is a pun on mango, so used that.

Sentence 1

Before: Our children are our future, is an often quoted statement, which ideally refers to the fact that it is our children who have the power to initiate growth, progress and change in the times to come. After: Our children are our future. This is an oft-quoted statement, which re-iterates that it is our children who have the power to initiate growth, progress and change in times to come.  Notes a. Never place a comma before a verb. ‘Is’ - is a verb.  b. 'often quoted’ is usually written as 'oft-quoted’ c. Don’t use ‘ideally’ unnecessarily. d. 'the times to come.’  to be changed to ‘times to come’. ‘The’ is a definite article. Please read up on the use of definite articles here:  https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/540/01/ e. Avoid constructions with ‘the fact that’ as much as possible.