Skip to main content

Sentence 60

Before

XYZ effectively manages a Facebook page and an online portal to make sure that both old and new applicants are given the required assistance.

After
XYZ effectively manages a Facebook page and an online portal to make sure that all applicants are given the required assistance.

Notes:
'both old and new applicants' sounds awkward, so I've replaced it with 'all'.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 82

Before The timelier and more enhanced the insights, the greater an organisation’s ability to stay ahead.  After Timely insights enable an organisation to stay ahead.  Notes: 'The timelier and more enhanced the insights' is not parallel. So I have rephrased. Also, timelier? We only say timely. Do not say 'organisation's' , i.e, do not form the possessive of a non-living thing.  Have also cut down the sentence for brevity.

Sentence 73

Before The team manages media for one of our oldest client, X and over the years, they have helped X branch out and break new ground. After The team manages media for one of our oldest clients, X, and over the years, they have helped X branch out and break new ground.  Notes: 1. Rookie mistake! -  The team manages media for one of our oldest client s.... One of my friends not one of my friend. Similarly, one of our oldest clients, not one of our oldest client. (One of many)

Sentence 130

Before Sometimes even one motivated person can bring about a big change. After Sometimes, all it takes is one person to make a difference.  Notes Inserted a comma after 'sometimes'  Changed the sentence to pack in a punch.