Skip to main content

Sentence 62

Before:
A highly-motivated team, what works for them is that they have one eye on the result.

After:
A highly motivated team, what works for them is that they are result-oriented.

Notes:
Keep in mind, though, that we never use a hyphen with an -ly adverb + adjective combination in front of a noun or pronoun. Here are examples with the -ly adverb + adjective constructions:
She was a highly motivated employee. (Source: http://www.getitwriteonline.com/archive/040201hyphadj.htm)

"one eye on the result"...what about the other eye?? :P It sounds weird.
So have replaced it with  "that they are result-oriented."

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 61

Before: From helping foreign clients tell their stories in India to help Indian businesses take their business to a global scale, the team has a successful record. After: From helping foreign clients tell their stories in India to enabling Indian entrepreneurs to take their business to a global scale, the team has a successful record. Notes: 'Help' was used twice, so replaced with enabling. #word choice.  Also 'enabling' (-ing verb) to keep the parallel construction of 'helping' used earlier intact. businesses vs. entrepreneurs - word choice.

Sentence 1

Before: Our children are our future, is an often quoted statement, which ideally refers to the fact that it is our children who have the power to initiate growth, progress and change in the times to come. After: Our children are our future. This is an oft-quoted statement, which re-iterates that it is our children who have the power to initiate growth, progress and change in times to come.  Notes a. Never place a comma before a verb. ‘Is’ - is a verb.  b. 'often quoted’ is usually written as 'oft-quoted’ c. Don’t use ‘ideally’ unnecessarily. d. 'the times to come.’  to be changed to ‘times to come’. ‘The’ is a definite article. Please read up on the use of definite articles here:  https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/540/01/ e. Avoid constructions with ‘the fact that’ as much as possible.

Sentence 19

Before Typically, in large medical claim datasets, unique diagnoses account for a considerable number. After Unique diagnoses form a large part of medical claim datasets.  Notes: Avoid the words "typically", "basically", etc. Shortened the sentence to make it crisp. Revised the construction.