Before:
In such an environment, faced with new problems of data collection and integration, business continuity across an international market, and variances in the maturity of different markets, legacy systems and equipment will not help organisations to stay on the cutting-edge of change in a sustainable manner.
After
Legacy systems and equipment cannot handle problems of data collection and integration, business continuity across an international market, and variances in the maturity of different markets.
Notes:
The 'before' version is too long and convoluted. It results in a dangling modifier.
I've cut out unnecessary verbiage: "to stay on the cutting-edge of change in a sustainable manner."
The 'after' version is free from dangling modifiers and is precise.
In such an environment, faced with new problems of data collection and integration, business continuity across an international market, and variances in the maturity of different markets, legacy systems and equipment will not help organisations to stay on the cutting-edge of change in a sustainable manner.
After
Legacy systems and equipment cannot handle problems of data collection and integration, business continuity across an international market, and variances in the maturity of different markets.
Notes:
The 'before' version is too long and convoluted. It results in a dangling modifier.
I've cut out unnecessary verbiage: "to stay on the cutting-edge of change in a sustainable manner."
The 'after' version is free from dangling modifiers and is precise.
Comments
Post a Comment