Before:
A revelation of this kind surely makes me wonder about how old our history goes and how our stories and culture is embedded in the soil and nature around us.
After:
A revelation of this kind makes me marvel at history. It's remarkable how the story of our culture is told by the soil and nature around us.
Notes and comments:
A revelation of this kind surely makes me wonder about how old our history goes and how our stories and culture is embedded in the soil and nature around us.
After:
A revelation of this kind makes me marvel at history. It's remarkable how the story of our culture is told by the soil and nature around us.
Notes and comments:
- Avoid the word 'surely' in a sentence. It adds little and weakens the sentence.
- You don't wonder "about"
- Replaced "wonder about" with "marvel" #wordchoice
- 'How old our history goes' - Our history is not going anywhere.
- Broke the 'before' version into two sentences.
- Stories and culture cannot be "embedded" in the soil. Only gems can be embedded. #wordchoice
- In the before version, it says 'how our stories and culture is' Stories and culture are 2 different things. A plural has to be used, not "is".
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