Skip to main content

Sentence 109

Before
GCorp also had their hands full with regards to new business development, working on pitches for the first round of presentation for ICICI Bank and HDFC Bank. 

After
GCorp also had its hands full with new business development, working on pitches for the first round of presentations for ICICI Bank and HDFC Bank.

Notes
When referring to a company use "its" not "their"

'Regards to' is unnecessary in the 'before' sentence. 

There are two presentations - one for ICICI and another for HDFC, so the plural of presentation, with an 's' needs to be used.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 61

Before: From helping foreign clients tell their stories in India to help Indian businesses take their business to a global scale, the team has a successful record. After: From helping foreign clients tell their stories in India to enabling Indian entrepreneurs to take their business to a global scale, the team has a successful record. Notes: 'Help' was used twice, so replaced with enabling. #word choice.  Also 'enabling' (-ing verb) to keep the parallel construction of 'helping' used earlier intact. businesses vs. entrepreneurs - word choice.

Sentence 1

Before: Our children are our future, is an often quoted statement, which ideally refers to the fact that it is our children who have the power to initiate growth, progress and change in the times to come. After: Our children are our future. This is an oft-quoted statement, which re-iterates that it is our children who have the power to initiate growth, progress and change in times to come.  Notes a. Never place a comma before a verb. ‘Is’ - is a verb.  b. 'often quoted’ is usually written as 'oft-quoted’ c. Don’t use ‘ideally’ unnecessarily. d. 'the times to come.’  to be changed to ‘times to come’. ‘The’ is a definite article. Please read up on the use of definite articles here:  https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/540/01/ e. Avoid constructions with ‘the fact that’ as much as possible.

Sentence 19

Before Typically, in large medical claim datasets, unique diagnoses account for a considerable number. After Unique diagnoses form a large part of medical claim datasets.  Notes: Avoid the words "typically", "basically", etc. Shortened the sentence to make it crisp. Revised the construction.