Skip to main content

Sentence 109

Before
GCorp also had their hands full with regards to new business development, working on pitches for the first round of presentation for ICICI Bank and HDFC Bank. 

 After
GCorp also had its hands full with new business development, working on pitches for the first round of presentations for ICICI Bank and HDFC Bank.

Notes
When referring to a company use "its" not "their"

 'Regards to' is unnecessary in the 'before' sentence. 

 There are two presentations - one for ICICI and another for HDFC, so the plural of presentation, with an 's' needs to be used.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 130

Before Sometimes even one motivated person can bring about a big change. After Sometimes, all it takes is one person to make a difference.  Notes Inserted a comma after 'sometimes'  Changed the sentence to pack in a punch.
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 35

Before: Fake news rose to notorious fame during the 2016 U.S. presidential elections. After: Fake news achieved notoriety during the 2016 U.S. presidential elections.  Note: Notorious fame is an oxymoron. So I rephrased it. Here's the definition of 'oxymoron' according to m-w.com .
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 8

Before In a changing environment where the new keywords are cloud, automation, data-led analytics, IoT, and mobility, the solutions expected from IT service providers as well as the nature of their delivery are undergoing a change.  After In a business scenario where the buzzwords are cloud, automation, data-led analytics, IoT, and mobility, the solutions expected from IT service providers, as well as the nature of their delivery, are undergoing a change. Notes:  Changed 'changing environment' to 'business scenario' since it gives context. Keywords are for blogs or SEO; buzzwords are " a word or phrase, often an item of jargon, that is fashionable at a particular time or in a particular context. " This was an issue of word choice.  'as well as the nature of their delivery' is a non- restrictive clause. This means that even if you take the clause out of the sentence, it will still make sense. The rule
Post a Comment
Read more