Skip to main content

Sentence 82

Before
The timelier and more enhanced the insights, the greater an organisation’s ability to stay ahead. 


After
Timely insights enable an organisation to stay ahead. 

Notes:

'The timelier and more enhanced the insights' is not parallel. So I have rephrased. Also, timelier? We only say timely.

Do not say 'organisation's' , i.e, do not form the possessive of a non-living thing. 

Have also cut down the sentence for brevity.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 1

Before: Our children are our future, is an often quoted statement, which ideally refers to the fact that it is our children who have the power to initiate growth, progress and change in the times to come. After: Our children are our future. This is an oft-quoted statement, which re-iterates that it is our children who have the power to initiate growth, progress and change in times to come.  Notes a. Never place a comma before a verb. ‘Is’ - is a verb.  b. 'often quoted’ is usually written as 'oft-quoted’ c. Don’t use ‘ideally’ unnecessarily. d. 'the times to come.’  to be changed to ‘times to come’. ‘The’ is a definite article. Please read up on the use of definite articles here:  https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/540/01/ e. Avoid constructions with ‘the fact that’ as much as possible.

Sentence 61

Before: From helping foreign clients tell their stories in India to help Indian businesses take their business to a global scale, the team has a successful record. After: From helping foreign clients tell their stories in India to enabling Indian entrepreneurs to take their business to a global scale, the team has a successful record. Notes: 'Help' was used twice, so replaced with enabling. #word choice.  Also 'enabling' (-ing verb) to keep the parallel construction of 'helping' used earlier intact. businesses vs. entrepreneurs - word choice.

Sentence 19

Before Typically, in large medical claim datasets, unique diagnoses account for a considerable number. After Unique diagnoses form a large part of medical claim datasets.  Notes: Avoid the words "typically", "basically", etc. Shortened the sentence to make it crisp. Revised the construction.