Skip to main content

Sentence 121

Before
But it’s not just organizations such as Facebook, Starbucks and Amazon that are riding this new wave to enhance customer experiences, drive an emotional resonance with its global brands, and build loyal customer relationships.

After
But it’s not just organizations such as Facebook, Starbucks, and Amazon that are riding this wave to enhance customer experiences, strike an emotional chord with their global brands and build loyal customer relationships. 

 Notes:
Inserted serial comma before 'and Amazon' since we follow the serial comma for US English as a style issue.

You can't "drive an emotional resonance". Changed it to "strike an emotional chord" - #phrasechoice

Changed "with its global brands" to "with their global brands" since there are several brands being discussed.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 130

Before Sometimes even one motivated person can bring about a big change. After Sometimes, all it takes is one person to make a difference.  Notes Inserted a comma after 'sometimes'  Changed the sentence to pack in a punch.
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 84

Headline Before - A sneak peak into life in Pyeongchang beyond the #Winter Olympics. After- A sneak peek into life in  Pyeongchang beyond the #Winter Olympics Notes #wordchoice Peak vs. peek
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 66

Before However, I believe there are a few truths that the frenzy over growth hacking often tends to gloss over or miss. After However, in all the frenzy raised by growth hacking, I believe there are a couple of truisms that are often glossed over. Notes: Truth vs. Truism - Word Choice few truths vs. couple of truisms There were only 2 truisms raised in the article from which I took the 'before' version. So I felt it more appropriate to say 'couple of truisms'. Rephrased the 'after' sentence for clarity of thought and expression.
Post a Comment
Read more