Skip to main content

Sentence 73

Before

The team manages media for one of our oldest client, X and over the years, they have helped X branch out and break new ground.

After
The team manages media for one of our oldest clients, X, and over the years, they have helped X branch out and break new ground. 

 Notes:
1. Rookie mistake! - The team manages media for one of our oldest clients....

One of my friends not one of my friend.
Similarly, one of our oldest clients, not one of our oldest client.
(One of many)





Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sentence 1

Before: Our children are our future, is an often quoted statement, which ideally refers to the fact that it is our children who have the power to initiate growth, progress and change in the times to come. After: Our children are our future. This is an oft-quoted statement, which re-iterates that it is our children who have the power to initiate growth, progress and change in times to come.  Notes a. Never place a comma before a verb. ‘Is’ - is a verb.  b. 'often quoted’ is usually written as 'oft-quoted’ c. Don’t use ‘ideally’ unnecessarily. d. 'the times to come.’  to be changed to ‘times to come’. ‘The’ is a definite article. Please read up on the use of definite articles here:  https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/540/01/ e. Avoid constructions with ‘the fact that’ as much as possible.
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 82

Before The timelier and more enhanced the insights, the greater an organisation’s ability to stay ahead.  After Timely insights enable an organisation to stay ahead.  Notes: 'The timelier and more enhanced the insights' is not parallel. So I have rephrased. Also, timelier? We only say timely. Do not say 'organisation's' , i.e, do not form the possessive of a non-living thing.  Have also cut down the sentence for brevity.
Post a Comment
Read more

Sentence 66

Before However, I believe there are a few truths that the frenzy over growth hacking often tends to gloss over or miss. After However, in all the frenzy raised by growth hacking, I believe there are a couple of truisms that are often glossed over. Notes: Truth vs. Truism - Word Choice few truths vs. couple of truisms There were only 2 truisms raised in the article from which I took the 'before' version. So I felt it more appropriate to say 'couple of truisms'. Rephrased the 'after' sentence for clarity of thought and expression.
Post a Comment
Read more